It’s in your family tree, it’s in the food you eat, it’s in the pills you swallow, it’s in the drink that fails to break the thirst and desire, it’s in your family tree, the roots that hold cannot be broken.
I still hold sunflowers leaves in fields and imagine you still there both of us pretending that the sunflower between us is your wife and my mother,
we sway to remember.
It’s as if the cold icy winds that blow almost constantly here have carved the grey concrete buildings formed high above my head. The sun when it shines does not hit and hold its gifts upon my body and face, it hits only the very centre of my head and burns through hair and scalp to overwhelm thought until there is only one thought ESCAPE.
I watch as people scurry to live, walking, running, speaking into mobile phones, drinking coffee and issuing order and instruction through small PCs beaming death in front of them.
An ocean of illusion our lives, that man, a father, a boss, a swimming coach, a cook, a cleaner, a nurse, a gardener all this and more to his father, the most precious thing he fails to provide for them is him, later his children will grow to hate him.
An ocean of illusion our lives my life your life our lives constructed to suit that construction an illusion of what we think we should be but not what we are when illusion becomes delusion you are truly becoming an adult in adulthood all is lost all is illusion and deception. I now an adult must find my true illusion my true delusion.
Only the invention of love keeps us from suicide.
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