The Man In The Overcoat Part 2

I do not want to go to God a good and honest man.

I want to present myself as a coherent man, in life I feel as if I am incoherent, only in death are we coherent. A final package presented.

The superman stamps licked sharp against tongue, hot from club condensation, sweat, loud we all dance hard against the chemicals that beat within. It feels as if I am having my very own personal visit from God. Here I try to avoid myself, is that even possible, here I am not me, I don’t know who I am but I am defiantly not me. I do not want the New Testament God within me, he is kind and forgiving and merciful, me I crave an inner Old Testament God, vengeful, punishing and unforgiving. The music winds me further inside myself as it takes me up and I push against the cock hard and deep inside me. Never let this pain stop. It’s never enough. Just never enough.

My life’s ambition is to leave a certain teenage boys body at the water’s edge, cold, blue and lifeless. Head smashed, cock cut, ass slashed. As the chemical kicks harder the image becomes clearer. I am his Old Testament God, cold, harsh and vengeful I destroy to punish. Know my name. Know my name.

Cities offer it all; side by side stand clubs and churches, sin and salvation side by side. Cities offer it all. Open your heart to all you desire, open your body to desire.

Cheap sex cheap forgiveness cling inside of me like damp running down a wall, cold the stench and decay overwhelms.

I stand inside the church, music and drugs course through my head and as I gaze at the body of Christ a wave of envy rushes over me, I envy the taught muscles, I envy the blues eyes, I envy the long arms and legs, I envy the tortured, blood flow from daggers jagged edges, I envy and admire the hands and feet nailed to rough wood. I imagine rough wooden shards and splinters have penetrated our lords back from his bodies movement against pain and constriction, I envy and feel my cock harden and as I look I wonder why does Christ not have a hard on?

I move closer and climb the plinth to lick the body of Christ and as my tongue reaches taught nipple I come against him.

Sex & Salvation                         my                            only God now.

As a God to myself I have failed.